Try some of the best quotes about life. “Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.” Bill Cosby

“The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue of Liberty.” Woody Allen

“Save the Trees?…Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!” Billy Connolly

“To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.”– (The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895) Oscar Wilde

“Nothing interferes with my concentration. You could put on an orgy in my office and I wouldn’t look up. Well, maybe once. ” Isaac Asimov

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.” Albert Einstein

Or what about these funny life quotes.

“How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” Abraham Lincoln

“Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or fourteenth.” George Burns

” Hope is the dream of the waking man. ” Aristotle

“One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!” Rodney Dangerfield

“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.” Groucho Marx

You should take a look at these quotes about life.

“Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There’s nothing like having a midget for a butler.” WC Fields

“Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. ” Mickey Rooney

“A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He’s out there now…trying to win a trip back! ” Jerry Dennis

“A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. ” Gloria Steinem

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