Movement on Capitol Hill to Ban Bikini Underwear

If Congress hasn’t thought of it, give them enough time; they will. Ban it, I say, ban it. Ban bikini underwear. Now before all of you go getting bent out of shape over the statement, let me give you a fuller explanation.

I’m only talking about one kind of bikini and that’s for men. Men should not wear bikini underwear in private or in public (why they would wear it in public is still a little sketchy even to me). There, I’ve said it. Ban the bikini underwear.

Let me give you some what fors. First of all, you wear bikini underwear to show off a well-toned body (or it should be one of the top three). But remember, these are bikini underwear. Underwear, men, underwear. Not outer wear or swimwear, but underwear. Gentlemen, if you have a well-toned body, why not just wear briefs or boxers like the rest of us untoned and unrefined people? I get it; you definitely don’t want to be like the rest of us peons. Therefore, you’ve deliberately chosen to wear something that would make you stand out in a crowd, a private crowd, that is. Then again, in private settings, why would you bother?

I suppose you could make a case for bikini swimwear, albeit a weak one at best. That would be a way you could parade around showing off your well-defined body. Ah, big deal. Who needs it?

Secondly, bikini underwear serve no utilitarian purpose other than to put extra dollars into retailers’ pockets. What can you do with bikini underwear that you can’t with briefs or boxers? What would you want to do differently? I know, it’s not my money and you can spend it where you please but unless you can tell me why you might wear them I won’t buy what you’re trying to sell.

Lastly, why do you want to subject yourself to humiliation in the locker rooms of the world? Why would you think wearing bikini undergarments would make you stand out in a locker room? Do you really think that by wearing bikini undershorts you can hide your beer gut, balding head, and your gray hair (or what’s left of it)? No? Wait a minute, you’re not like me, are you? Never mind. Wear what you want. On second thought, don’t.

Please don’t get me started on thong underwear!

Tagged with: bikini underwear • boxer underwear • briefs underwear • clothing • Humor Articles • underwear

Filed under: Humor Articles

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