Celebrity Sunglasses on Youtube

Have you ever wondered why you hardly ever see some celebrities without their sunglasses. It doesn’t matter if they’re indoors, out at night or in a dingy nightclub. Much like flies on dung they can’t be separated. In fact, given the Spears / Hilton incidents of late, celebrities are now more likely to leave home with a pair of shades than with underwear.

Want to understand why? By delving into the complex and bewildering psyche of the celebrity mind, we try to answer this age-old riddle:

 

  1. So they don’t get recognised. Celebrities can’t risk getting mobbed by crazed fans on every street corner now can they? Eggheads and quacks alike agree that our brains are programmed to recognise other human faces mainly via their eyes. Obviously those celebrities who wear sunglasses everywhere have researched this fact and acted accordingly. These guys are smarther than you might think!
  2. So they DO get recognized. There are certain species of celebrity that actually desire attention of passers-by on the street, and use their designer sunglasses to achieve this. Often they will resort to shock tactics of wearing rather silly bug-eyed specs that attract surprised and even concerned looks from passers by. Others have actually based their image around their glasses. This latter syndrome is known as the Bono factor, named after the mens glasses icon and aging U2 frontman for his trademark luminous wrap-arounds.
  3. To protect themselves from flash photography. The number one predator of the simple celebrity is the vicious and merciless paparazzi – its natural for celebrities to think about defending themselves. These natural enemies are drawn in swarms to the bigger celebrities in particular. One of their chief weapons is their enormous flashing bulbs, used to temporarily blind their prey and gradually weaken their already damaged eyeballs (see point 5). Sunglasses are in fact a crucial evolutionary defence against this threat.
  4. To hide their atrocious drunken make up / red eyes / wrinkles. You may not have thought it, but this is in actual fact a measure to protect us, the general public. If we were exposed to the true state that celebrity eyes end up in after all night binges and long term sun damage, we’d be so horrified that our entire view of the world would crumble around us. Yes, ladies’ glasses of the rich and famous are there for our sake. Take my word for it.
  5. Drug usage makes your eyes very sensitive. The intense responsibility and pressure that society places on the celebrity species leads them inevitibly to drug abuse. Substances such as tetrahydrocanabinol and opiates cause the pupils to dilate. The humble and seemingly harmless street light are in fact a painful health hazard for the celebrity eye. Have a heart and let them wear their shades.

 

I hope now I’ve made you think twice before tutting under your breath next time you see a hollywood star sporting ridiculously unneccesary shades in pitch black conditions.

 

  • Share/Bookmark

Tagged with: • • • • • • •

Filed under: Humor Articles

Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!

Possibly related posts